I didn’t exactly want to die. I didn’t know how to control the other two people inside of me anymore. It was hard work walking around being a different entity day to day. I was professionally told I was normal, that it was all in my head and I was making it up but I knew that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t have made something as horrible as this up. My desires, wants, needs, morals, wishes and feelings were always contradicting one another. I don’t have a split personality; although, sometimes it feels that way. As far back as I can remember it has always been Iddy, Sego and I. My name is Egos but you can call me Hank.
When describing myself I always consult with the other two first. I have to listen to them bicker back and forth until I end up with some reasonable understanding and deliver the message. Iddy tries to manipulate and deceive to get whatever he wants and Sego tries to guilt trip me until i follow the “moral code”. Ultimately, I have the final say in the decisions we make, the answers we give, or the way we behave but it gets rather annoying always trying to be the mediator, If an argument gets too heated, I’m the one most affected by it because I am pulled in separate directions, I’m like the knot in the middle of the rope used for tug o war by equally strong entities. I get pulled each way, sometimes shifting more towards one side or towards the other but i eventually I end up stationary back in the middle. I typically have the balanced answer, but this time was different. This time the rope snapped.
Iddy and I had been going through our manic stage for two weeks and a day. I quit my job and. emptied out my 401K which left me with a little over 97,000. The first thing I wanted to do on my new endeavors in life was to buy and learn how to shoot a gun. So i spend 1200 on a 9mm P226. Honestly, I didn’t know what that meant but i was just excited i had a gun. I got my Feud card, my conceal and carry and I was ready to shoot. I brought that gun with me everywhere. Sego didn’t like the idea at all but when my mind is manic, then Iddy takes over and runs the show. There is no consulting, there are only Iddy’s natural wants and desires and Iddy always gets what Iddy wants
One night in the midst of my craze I took my P 226 into the local bar where I noticed a blonde chick with long ass legs. I walked straight up to the bar and sat beside her, ordering a whisky neat. “Why is someone as gorgeous as you sitting by yourself on a Saturday night” I asked, shocked that those words came out of a naturally shy boy’s body. She looked me dead in the eyes,
“Why is someone as sexy as you sitting by yourself on a Saturday night?” She bit her bottom lip and sat there on her bar stool with her legs crossed, exposing the trim of her red panties under her skirt. I smiled back at her and rested my hand on her upper thigh. We ordered a drink. Then a shot. Then another drink. We spent all night throwing back shots of Captain Morgan, engulfed in the beauty of one another. With every shot we took, the more beautiful and vibrant she became and i couldn’t contain myself anymore. I pulled her into me and whispered into her ear,
“I want to fuck you in the women’s bathroom right now!” I guided her from behind, cupping her ass the whole way to the bathroom.
“You know Hank doesn’t like this idea at all,” I could hear Sego’s concern from the other side of my mind. “Maybe we should turn around and go home.”
“Nonsense. We are staying. Right Hank?”
“That’s what I thought. We are staying so fuck off!”
Iddy always had a way to win me over. He was my pleasure driven, thrill seeking, childlike mind. He was charming, he was creative, but he was also very impulsive and irrational. With my pants around my ankles and her naked ass backed up into my cock in that bathroom stall, Iddy slipped into a deep dark fantasy about this woman.
“Don’t move,” Iddy screamed shoving the 9MM into her temple. “If you so help me god even open your mouth I’ll shoot.”
Iddy had one hand over her eyes and his belt wedged into her mouth which he was pulling with his other hand. He thrust himself inside her. Clap. Clap. Clap. The sound of her ass cheeks hitting his thighs echoed throughout the stalls. The stench of vomit and blood circled the air under his nose and made its way up his nasal passage. He inhaled and let out a brief, “Ah” then moved his hand from her eyes to her throat and gripped it until the flush on her face turned blush and then back flushed. He released himself inside of her right before her limp body hit the ground.
“You are so beautiful,” I whispered. I pulled my pants back up around my waist and buckled my belt. I tucked the straggling golden lock behind her ear and kissed her forehead. She slid her red panties up her calves and thighs, covering the parts of her body I couldn’t refuse. I lot up a cigarette and watched her freshen herself up in front of the mirror. After she was done reapplying her mascara, I walked her out of the bar.
As I laid in bed that night, the mistakes from the past two weeks flooded my mind like the red blood rushing down the hall in the scene from “The Shining”. With each consequence came a question. Why do I allow myself to listen to Iddy? Why is it that Iddy controls me? Why cant the three of us work together in balanced harmony? Why do we have to argue about each others existence? I make up this body. Why cant it just be me? felt like a little child. Life seemed worthless not being able to be myself, I stared at the gun, loading it and unloading it, over and over again.
“Hank. You don’t have to listen to him, ” Sego said. The compassion in her voice startled me. I put the gun down in my lap. “He is such a bad influence on us.”
Part of me knew that Sego was right. Actually, it was probably Sego who was telling me she was right. Iddy was causing a lot of harm in my life and there was something I needed to do about it.
“Sego, do you think i can get rid of Iddy?” I picked up the gun again and twirled it in my hands.
Sego paused for a brief moment, “You mean kill him?!” There was a hesitation in her
voice that made this idea sound catastrophic. “Killing is never the answer. We need to talk it through with him. Maybe he will come around.”
I did not want to hear that answer come out of Sega. I hated to say it but as much as I disliked Iddy, I despised Sego. Being the perfect one all of the time gets infuriating. It was so hard to be caught in between the characters of sociopathic freak and an innocent coward. I didn’t want to run around town offering my penis to any woman that moved, but at the same time I wanted to have some fun. Sacrifices were going to have to be made and I was going to have to be the one to make them. The night grew cold and I laid there, drawing out the possibilities in my head.
The next morning I woke up and did my normal routine. I showered, got dressed and made my way to the kitchen to make breakfast.
“Good morning Sego,” I smirked and set the plate on the table directly on my right side. “Good morning Iddy.” I set a plate to my left with some bacon and eggs on it. I grabbed the breakfast rolls out of the oven and set them in the middle of the table. “Eat them while they are warm.” I smiled at the two vacant chairs where the plates for Iddy and Sego lie, and went into the kitchen drawer, the third from the bottom and pulled out a boning knife.
“I hope you enjoy breakfast. I have a special dessert for you,” I was smiling from ear to ear, holding the knife tip up behind my back.
“I sure love bacon. Thank you Hank,” said Sego.
“I wanted a ham omelet with green onions and mushrooms,” Iddy barked at me.
“You will both get what you deserve. Eat up.” I said, still smiling.
I tucked the knife into my belt and turned to the hot stove. “Does anybody want seconds?” I stood there for a moment, still facing the stove and finishing the final arrangements of my plan in my head. I reached for a drink of my orange juice and I made my way over to the table to join my fellow two “mind mates”. Somewhere between the last two steps to the table, my eye sight blurred and I fell to the ground. Right before I closed my eyes into a deep sleep, I saw Iddy.
“You have been out for hours, master,” Iddy’s voice rang through my ears. I slightly opened my eyes and saw Iddy sitting in the chair eating Sego’s bacon. There was blood on his shirt and he was laughing hysterically. “I was getting worried about you.”
“Where is Sego?” I asked. I tried to move my hands to reach for the knife but it was missing.
“Looking for this?” said Iddy. He dangled the bloody knife over my head. “Ha. Ha. Ha. Doesn’t look like you are in control now.” He ran the blade across my cheek, leaving behind a tiny streak of red.
“What have you done with Sego?”
“I killed her! You should have seen the look on her face when i stabbed that knife through her throat.” Iddy was laughing and smiling at the thought. “That bitch couldn’t even speak her last words. And now it is your turn.”
“Hank. Hank. Are you there? 3.2.1”
I open my eyes and Doctor Gemy is sitting across from me. I feel my face to make sure it was still here. “What happened?”
“You were facing your demons. I’m so proud of you for taking this step.”
“I had the strangest dream,” I said, rubbing my head. I looked over at Doctor Gemy sitting in his chair waiting for me to speak my feelings. “I had three personalities. They were all out to get one another.”
“What happened?” said the Doctor.
A wave of relief came over me and I took a deep breath, “I guess I do exist after all.” I shook the Doctor’s hand and thanked him for his guidance. “Tell me one thing though” I asked right before I was about to leave his office.
“What is that?”
“Why do you have a P226 on your desk?”