An emptiness lays within my core. My hallow shell protects nothing. Where personality traits, qualities, interests, core values, goals and hope usually reside is actually a shallow hole filled with toxic air. It floats around and when an emotion overflows my mind, the gas stops out reaching my lungs and causes panic. Gasping for air.
My head thinks, “who am I?” “Why does this happen?”in efforts to suppress the gas, I try to fill the hole with nonsense, temporary reliefs And more nothing.
I exhale and inhale again.
It’s like no matter what I think, or how I feel the posion is always there seeping deeper and deeper. I didn’t think that feeling like nothing could feel any emptier with each breath, I disintegrate even more.
I wish I could totally evaporate and be one with the air but it’s like “God” knows I’m posion and doesn’t even want me “to be”. Like I’ll infect others and run their lives even with non-existence.